Episode 10: How to react around someone who is depressed

I know many of my friends don't know how to react when I told them I'm sick. Reacting to it is one thing, what if you have to interact with me or you, yourself want to help and make it easier? Being supportive is not easy. Most of the time, people come with good intentions but ended up being pissed off and annoyed.

I believe it is different for everyone, depends on personality but in general I think these tips could be applied:

1. Don't argue.

I have the tendencies to say very weird and stupid things when I'm sick. It is not the 'real' me. For e.g. I say I've lost faith and I don't think God cares about me. Many people (especially Muslims) will freak out when I say this. Most will want to make me change my mind that very second or take back what I say to them or give arguments why I shouldn't feel that way.

First of all, I don't mean what I say. If I have death wish or I say I don't feel God's presence when I'm sick so just take a chill pill and no need to make things right for me. Most will try to questioned and I'm sure in their head they will think "Apa lagi la dia nak semua tak puas, orang lain banyak lagi tak dapat"

Instead, why don't give motivations and be positive like:

Ensure me that I don't mean what I said, I won't feel the same later when I'm well

Remind me stories of the prophets. God loves all prophets but the tests that God gave them were extraordinary hard. Usually someone who is depressed needs to be reminded of good things.

2) Never assume. Ask questions.

If you are supposed to hang out or meet with me but not sure (or I scare the shit out of you when I'm sick) why don't you ask to get assurance. "Are you sure you want me to come or you need to be alone until you feel better?" And don't ask just for the sake of asking. Be honest, if you really feel you are also stressed out why don't just say, "Maybe we just meet on different day? You are not well, Im also not feeling so well".

3) Don't be sensitive the same time I tend to be super sensitive. Can't you pick a different day?

4) Educate yourself about the disease so you won't be surprised and know what to expect.

5) If you really cannot handle then the best is just to say so. It is understandable for friends and family to be worn out and frustrated. That's why I do think if your sickness makes you so easily irritated, do not skip medications.

6) Be fun. Distraction is good. If they keep telling you they hate this hate that everything in the world is wrong, change the subject. Talk about cats, music, movies, the weather, Rosma's hair and bags, etc.

7) Just be there and keep telling them that the feeling will pass. This is temporary.

8) If you have to say you are also worn out and frustrated, just use the right wording and be honest.

Good luck.